I absolutely love Christmas. It is my very most favorite time of year.
But, this year has been really hard. I just need to have a moment where I can be human... let down my happy face everyone expects, and just be sad for a bit.
I definitely love Christmas. I love the meaning behind it all. I love the true Spirit of Christmas. I love my Savior.
I'm just having some hard days and I hate to say it, but I think I'll be relieved when it's all over. Is that bad? You don't have to answer. I know it is.
Mercy's birthday is on January 3rd. I'm an emotional wreck about it. How do I possibly celebrate the most wonderful little girl in the world, without her? I'm torn. Part of me wants to just run away. Part of me wants to do a big bash for her... balloons, cake, the whole thing. Part of me wants to just stay in bed and cry all day long. Alone.
I know, it's not a very "merry Christmas" attitude. I'm sorry.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
Hopefully.
Guys' Trip
4 years ago
10 comments:
Ashley, you're incredible. You are valid in your feelings. Mercydez is so pleased with you and Nic. As a dear friend and advisor has said, "remember".
I love you.
Ashley I agree with Addy. Feel as you need to. And if I may add to her comment- Remember, if you live up to your privledges, the angels (such as Mercy) cannot be restrained from being your associates. I wish you a speedy and very unmerry CHRISTmas. I love you too.
Thinking of you and your beautiful family this time of year, as I know many are. Having Christmas right before her birthday is pretty rough too. Hold on, you'll make it. Love to you.
I wish I could take your pain away, but please know that I love you, Nic and Mercy and hope you will be comforted on this beautiful Christmas Day!
Love, Ashley
I know the feeling. Ryker passed away 10 days before Christmas, and it just makes it hard. Don't get me wrong, Christmas is my favorite, but it is hard to be happy. I should be dang happy to be able to spend our first Christmas with Collin, since none of our sweet angels made it to this holiday, but than there is the feeling of longing for them. It's hard to even put to words what I am trying to say, but what I will say is that I am sorry, and I wish sweet little Mercydez was in your arms right now.
Heart hugs,
Emily
You have every right to feel the way you do. Many of us do. I know that whatever you decide to do for Mercy's birthday will be perfect, just like her.
And I will stand in front of your door and not let anyone in if you want to be alone or tell the whole world to celebrate. You are amazing and having a "human" moment in your life is a rear occasion so no worries. I love you Ash and my heart breaks with you. Please let me know if you need anything.
Dear Nic and Ashley, I continue to follow your blog and my thoughts and prayers are with you. When my little Grandson Trevin was born Dec.5 and died 7 1/2 months later Christmas has been a very tender time, even more so since my son died 3 years ago. We started a tradition to celebrate Trevin's birthday with cake and presents and then donate the presents to Primary Children's or to a child in need. At Christmas time I have also watched for parents who have lost a child and sent them the money that I would have spent on Trevin for his Birthday and Christmas, in his memory. This has been very healing for me and my family. The pain of loss and longing to hold them "now" doesn't go away but sharing with someone else in similar circumstances somehow makes it bearable. You have a very special Angel daughter and we are fortunate to have these little Angels watching over us. Love Marianna
Oh Ashley, I'm so sorry. You can feel however you want and you don't need to apologize for it. I hope your holidays got a little better! We'll be thinking of you on the 3rd.
I read your blog often and love your honesty :)
Please dont feel like u need to apologize for how u are feeling!
I have no idea what it is like to go through what you are going through...
I do appreciate when people are "real". It helps those people out there who are also sorting through different feelings to know that they are not alone.
I say that there is no "right" or "wrong" way to remember Mercy on her birthday...no matter what u feel like doing she will be aware that she is remembered and treasured and loved by you.
You are allowed to be human. Anytime...Anywhere.
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