Thanks to all of you for your comments on my last post. It strengthens me. Thank you, thank you. I've really been struggling with things. It's been a very hard year, but also a very beautiful year.

My sister said it so perfectly... behind every smile there is a tear.

It's so true. She also added, "make sure there is a smile behind every tear." I like that too.

Christmas day was better. It wasn't easy. But, it was better. We are approaching Mercy's birthday. Today, I am at peace with it. I don't feel anxious. I feel so at peace and so calm. I'm so happy I knew her. I'm so happy she was a part, a BIG part of my life. She is so perfect and I feel so blessed to know she and I and Nic are a forever family. Literally.

We have thought of a few things to do in her honor on Sunday. I won't be at church. I just feel like I will be an emotional mess. I am a very private person (you wouldn't know it from this blog, but I am actually a very to-myself, private person).

Did you read the story of the first Christmas in your bible this past weekend? If not, and even if so, pull it out. Luke chapter 2. One of my most favorite parts is when it says, "...and Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart..." I just love that. Can you imagine? I just think to myself what she must have been thinking. I'm sure her thoughts were very sacred.

Did she know what the future held for her son... THE Son? Did she know what He would endure? Did she know what SHE would have to endure because she would have to watch her very loved son endure what no one else could? Can you imagine the depth of anguish and heartache she felt as she witessed the crowd torture, mock, and then crucify Him?

My heart just aches for Mary. I love her. She is a beautiful, strong example of motherhood.

I think of her cradling her baby boy in her arms, protecting him. I think of her watching as strangers came and knelt themselves before her baby. I am so grateful for that small look into Mary's heart.

I hope your Christmas was magical.