Thoughts from a grieving heart

I have decided to declare to the world that I LOVE THERAPY. I know, it seems somewhat personal. No one EVER admits when they are in therapy, right? Well, not me. I am an advocate for therapy. If you need help, why not get it? I'm very passionate about it. My therapist is helping me change my perspective, accept my grief, remember my sweet little girl, and improve my life, all while finding happiness... AND BEING OKAY WITH IT. If you haven't ever TRULY experienced grief, you're probably thinking I'm sounding a little crazy. Well, so be it. I thought I was crazy too. Turns out, I'm grieving. I now know I'm not crazy. I can't tell you the freedom I'm feeling. It's a great blessing in my life to have this knowledge. Sometimes, Heavenly Father puts people (who have tools to help you) in your life. These people provide something you can't find elsewhere. These people may be the way Heavenly Father answers your prayers.

If you ever need a GOOD therapist, I'd love to give you my therapists info. He's great. And it DOES make a difference, if you allow it to.

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I had an experience this last week. It was a hard one. I went to the doctor. I visited the Cardiologist. For me. It was emotional. They did an EKG. As I was being hooked up to the probes (or rather, as the probes were being hooked up to me) I had a flash back of the many times my baby had this done to her.

WHY????? WHY??????

It still breaks my heart. I can't fathom what she endured. I'm so grateful she isn't experiencing that any more. I have always been afraid of truly understanding what Mercy went through. I'm not strong enough. I could never endure what she did. But she did it with such elegance, dignity, beauty, patience.

I love her. She is my hero.

Grammie, please take care of my baby for me.

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I received a newsletter in the mail from Primary Children's Medical Center. Have I ever said that I never, ever want to go back there? Well, let me clarify. I never, EVER want to go back there. I fear it with my whole soul.

This newsletter they sent out is for those enduring the never-ending experience of grief. It was a beautiful newsletter. Here are a few excerpts from it...

"Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts." -Charles Dickens

"Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that have made you cry. So unless you have been very, very lucky, you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circumstances have not changed one bit." -Lemony Snicket

"Do you wonder if the tears will ever stop? They steadily fall, unpredictably and unexpectedly. Like spring floods, these human raindrops pool into streams and then seemingly flow into rivers. Like spring showers, they pop up, beat us down for a time, then just as suddenly, they dry.

Others may tell us to stop crying, as though we can command nature to change course. How burdensome this is. We must, and will, cry as long as we need to cry, as often as we feel the dampness of moisture, as many raindrops as our body produces. Not to cry when our very nature demands release is to deny our humanness.

What we, and those around us, may not know is the healing physical nature of our tears. Our body produces tears for biological reasons. Chemically, the composition of tears of emotional pain differ from tears of laughter and joy or tears of physical pain. Tears help wash out negative chemicals building up when our body experiences pain or stress. Tears cleanse." -Pat Andrus


If you know someone who is grieving, please allow them to cry. Don't feel like you have to fix it. Just be there while they cry. Sometimes, being there says more than any words ever could.