Thanks to all of you for your comments on my last post. It strengthens me. Thank you, thank you. I've really been struggling with things. It's been a very hard year, but also a very beautiful year.

My sister said it so perfectly... behind every smile there is a tear.

It's so true. She also added, "make sure there is a smile behind every tear." I like that too.

Christmas day was better. It wasn't easy. But, it was better. We are approaching Mercy's birthday. Today, I am at peace with it. I don't feel anxious. I feel so at peace and so calm. I'm so happy I knew her. I'm so happy she was a part, a BIG part of my life. She is so perfect and I feel so blessed to know she and I and Nic are a forever family. Literally.

We have thought of a few things to do in her honor on Sunday. I won't be at church. I just feel like I will be an emotional mess. I am a very private person (you wouldn't know it from this blog, but I am actually a very to-myself, private person).

Did you read the story of the first Christmas in your bible this past weekend? If not, and even if so, pull it out. Luke chapter 2. One of my most favorite parts is when it says, "...and Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart..." I just love that. Can you imagine? I just think to myself what she must have been thinking. I'm sure her thoughts were very sacred.

Did she know what the future held for her son... THE Son? Did she know what He would endure? Did she know what SHE would have to endure because she would have to watch her very loved son endure what no one else could? Can you imagine the depth of anguish and heartache she felt as she witessed the crowd torture, mock, and then crucify Him?

My heart just aches for Mary. I love her. She is a beautiful, strong example of motherhood.

I think of her cradling her baby boy in her arms, protecting him. I think of her watching as strangers came and knelt themselves before her baby. I am so grateful for that small look into Mary's heart.

I hope your Christmas was magical.

Bitter-Sweet

I absolutely love Christmas. It is my very most favorite time of year.

But, this year has been really hard. I just need to have a moment where I can be human... let down my happy face everyone expects, and just be sad for a bit.

I definitely love Christmas. I love the meaning behind it all. I love the true Spirit of Christmas. I love my Savior.

I'm just having some hard days and I hate to say it, but I think I'll be relieved when it's all over. Is that bad? You don't have to answer. I know it is.

Mercy's birthday is on January 3rd. I'm an emotional wreck about it. How do I possibly celebrate the most wonderful little girl in the world, without her? I'm torn. Part of me wants to just run away. Part of me wants to do a big bash for her... balloons, cake, the whole thing. Part of me wants to just stay in bed and cry all day long. Alone.

I know, it's not a very "merry Christmas" attitude. I'm sorry.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Hopefully.

This Comes A Little Late...

I want to wish my wonderful husband a happy be-lated birthday. I'm sorry this comes so late... but, tardiness is my trademark. ;)

Happy birthday to a man who is so completely selfless. Happy birthday to a man who is the first to jump up and volunteer to do whatever is needing to be done. Happy birthday to a husband who truly magnifies his calling as a Priesthood Holder. Happy birthday to a man who values being an honorable and good husband. Happy birthday to the sweetest, most tender husband and father. Happy birthday to a man who can fix pretty much anything. Happy birthday to a man who isn't afraid to dance with his sister, his mom, his neice, or his wife. Happy birthday to a man who loves children. Happy birthday to a man who loves playing with children. Happy birthday to a man who sees the good in everyone. Happy birthday to a man who dances, regardless of training. Happy birthday to a man who loves anything electronic. Happy birthday to Nic-e-poo. Happy birthday to a man who is firmly planted in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Happy birthday to a man who isn't afraid to cry. Happy birthday to a man who finds great satisfaction and joy in providing for his family. Happy birthday to a man who finds joy in every moment. Happy birthday to a man who offers his love and constant support in everything. Happy birthday to a man who has more patience and kindness in his heart than anyone I've ever met. Happy birthday to my wonderful, perfect husband.

Anyone who knows Nic, even in the smallest degree, knows I'm not exaggerating. I am the luckiest girl in the world.

I love you Sweetie. Mercydez loves you. You are amazing. You are a blessing in my life. Thank you for being so... perfect.

Our Get-A-Way

Our little escape to New York was so great! I loved EVERY milli-second! It was so nice to get away and spend some time together. It was just what we needed.

We were able to spend some time in the Sacred Grove. This is the place where Joseph Smith Jr. first saw God, the Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ. They appeared as two seperate beings. Isn't that wonderful?! The Spirit was just wonderful.












We were also able to visit The Hill Camorah. This is where Joseph Smith Jr. received the Gold Plates. Through the power of God, Joseph Smith Jr. translated these plates into what is now The Book of Mormon. I have read this book and I know, with all my heart, that it is true.











We had a little bit too much fun... but hey, how many people can say they have literally rolled down The Hill Camorah (or done flips off the bench)??? WE CAN!!!

And, of course, since we're totally loaded with money, we got Presidential Treatment on the flight home. Ha. If only.

We were actually put in a teeny, tiny plane in which we were much too close for comfort to waaaaay too many strangers. But we survived. And, home is beautiful.

We can't wait to go back!

Happily Ever After...

Congrats to my niece, Brittany, and her new hubby, Matt. Thanks for letting us be the photographers! We loved EVERY minute!

Niagra Falls

Yesterday we visited the ever famous Niagra Falls! It was so neat to see this wonder of the world! It was even better to be there with family!









Afterward, we had Buffalo Wings in Buffalo... kinda dumb, I know. But, why not??? We ate at Buffalo Wild Wings and it was gooo-oood. Mmmm. I have always been a fan of wings. So, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.


And the rest of the fam came in last night. Today is the big day! We're so excited to be a part of this! We love you Matt and Brittany! Marriage is the greatest blessing in all the world and it truly is ordained of God.