tHe lAst WeEk aNd-a-hALf...

Just wanted to post some pictures of what we've been up to the last while. Seems like I am generally writing down my deepest thoughts, so I thought I'd take a minute and put up some pictures that capture some cool memories, and some great fun, we've had recently...

One of my best friends, Wanda, Me (holding cute Keegan, who is my sisters nephew), and Nic. Yes, Nic has a stache on his face in honor of Mustache May. Ug. But, guess what??? IT'S GONE NOW! Now I love to kiss his hot face!



Braxton, Travis & Adrienne's other nephew, out cold on the CONCRETE basketball court. We all got an AWESOME laugh outta him!



Brother vs Brother. Nic and Jon played some awesome Volleyball at the BBQ!




Grayson had a blast finding all the bugs he could during the BBQ!



Kacey, yes! my YOUNGER brother, decided he wanted to wrestle. I was wasting him (wink, wink), so he decided to take matters into his own hands. He picked me up and did probably a good hundred FAST twirls. I thought I was going to puke.



So, then Nic decided to protect his princess (ha!) and he picked Kacey up and flipped him upside down! Eat that Uncle Bug!




Finishing OUR fight... but then he went on and attacked....



Travis and Adrienne (he just doesn't know when to stop!)



Then Nic and Kacey attacked my mom and held her "swing" style while they jumped on the trampoline. How's your back Mom?

... Needless to say, the BBQ was quite eventful... and fun!


Last Saturday, May 30th, Kacey, Crystal, my mom, and I went to a hospice butterfly release. It was beautiful. I thought I had great control of my emotions, but of course, when it came time to release my butterfly into heaven, my emotions for my sweet baby took over. I miss her so much. Yes, I still laugh and smile. Yes, Nic and I still go on dates and express our love to each other in many different ways... but we're still hurting. We still miss our girl. We always will.

This was my envelope with my monarch butterfly inside. Indian tradition has it if you whisper a message to the butterfly and release it, the butterfly will take your message to heaven and deliver it to your loved one. "Mercydez, Daddy and Mommy love you."



Mom and Crystal with their butterfly envelopes.



Kacey with his butterfly envelope.

The butterfly, free and getting ready to fly to heaven.



Crystal holding a piece of heaven in her hands.


Later, we spent some time chillaxin with some friends roastin' mallows and eating banana splits! Mmmmm!



Nic had a great time in a competition against Kacey... who could stack the most quarters on their elbows and catch them. I think Nic got up to 35. Kacey got to, like, 10. Ha! Just kiddin'.



Mmmm. Tasty.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon at Seven Peaks Waterpark with Travis & Adriennes nephews and niece and some friends/family. It was pretty fun! I haven't been feeling like myself because I've been dealing with some weird and very random health issues. I'm on some drugs that cause drowsiness and yesterday was my first day taking them. Wow. It was all I could do to stay awake. I was tempted to lay down on the concrete and take a nap (kinda like Braxton in the pic WAY up there). Regardless, it was fun to be out and about!


Crystal looking all model-ish while protecting our second tube... our first tube was STOLEN! What punks!


Our good friends Rhett and Tracy with their ADORABLE little girl, Sierra. She's so darn cute!


Nic and Braxton chillin' in the kiddie-pool. We've decided the kiddie-pool is our new favorite hangout... the water's warmer there.


Crystal, Makenzie (Nic and my niece), and Marin (Travis and Adrienne's niece). Don't they look like they're FREEZING? Well, they are. It wasn't super warm yesterday.






Travis hiding from the sun. Looks like he's have a fabulous time, eh?


Makenzie, Marin, and Nic getting ready to go on some slides! Wahoo!

I still have more pics I want to post, just for the memory, for the history. I am a picture person. I love to SEE the fun people are having.

PS I know there's some fancy way of compiling a bunch of pictures together so it takes up less space... but I guess I'm just not that cool. I like the bigger pictures.

Heaven

Today is Mercydez's 17 Month Birthday. Mmmm, how we miss you. It's amazing... even though you're spirit is no longer in your body, and you are no longer physically next to us, the tender mercies and the many miracles haven't ceased.

I remember going to one of my little brother's basketball games. It was up at the E-Center (I think) and we took our little Princess. Yes, we packed her and all of her many pieces of equipment, and off we went! It was just a few weeks before she passed away. I remember watching as a young man, who wore a jersey for the opposing team, got up during half-time to practice playing. From his movements, and from my perspective, it appeared as though this young man had Cerebral Palsy. Cheers were made for this young man every time he took a shot... every time he attempted anything, that for a "normal" person, would be easy. I had to look down at my little girl in my arms and say a silent prayer of gratitude.

Mercydez was diagnosed with severe CP.

I couldn't watch this young man continue to practice or I would have wept. Wept for gratitude, for joy, for an immense amount of love I couldn't express. That moment gave me hope for Mercy's future. A parents love, if allowed, is unconditional. I was never worried about if I would love my little girl, I was always worried if OTHERS would.

That moment gave me so much hope, though. Perhaps, one day, she would be that young person on the team. The one who never really gets to play, but is allowed the dream. Perhaps those around her would cheer for her, rather than mock her. In that moment, I was overwhelmed with love for those who chose to love another who is very different from them... this one was physically different, but equally worthy of love. This one could have been ignorantly and selfishly viewed as a "thorn in the side", but these wonderful people surrounding this young man looked outside themselves and saw that their love could change a person... and that persons love could change them.

I was, and still am, overwhelmed with gratitude for the tenderness and love shown. As a mother, I felt my heart melt. As a mother, I felt reassurace that things would be okay. Those who are closest to Heavenly Father have the ability to see past the physical hardships and differences. Those who are closest to Heavenly Father look at the heart. And because they do, they are forever changed for the better. And those they love are too.

As a mother of a "disabled" child, I thank those who so lovingly showed compassion to another.

This is what Heaven is going to be like.

In Memory

This Memorial Weekend has been beautiful. It's been very difficult for me, but I'm so grateful there is one day a year when the rest of the world "remembers". I will never, never forget my li'l princess. She is my hero. She is my inspiration. Everything I do, I dedicate to her. She makes me try my hardest to be better today than I was yesterday.

I am building a garden in my parents backyard, in her honor.

I am exercising EVERYDAY in her honor. I'm doing for her what she couldn't do for herself.

I am doing my best to serve those around me, in her honor.

I am being the best wife I can, in her honor. This girly loved her Daddy. I love her Daddy too, with all my heart. I have always wanted to be the best wife possible, she has just inspired me to try HARDER. I know she wants Mommy and Daddy happy.

Until my last breath, my life is in her honor.



I will never forget.

Three Wishes

I find myself wishing for the most random things. I would never wish her back to suffer through her many difficulties, just for me, but I would love to have, again, the sweet spiritual connections with my girl... those sweet moments where you feel like a mom taking care of your baby.

I wish I could change Mercydez's diaper again... undo the diaper, pull out the wipey warmer (which I was criticized for over and OVER and OVER again... I'd do it again though, in a SECOND), hold up those adorable tiny legs, wipe the cutest bum in the world, replace the diaper for a clean one, put on the bum cream (yup, every time, even if she didn't need it), and do up her little size one diaper. I'd absolutely love to go to Sams Club and buy another huge box of diapers and wipes. I don't care if they're expensive. My baby is worth it.

I wish I could feed my girl. First, sterilize the water. Then, once the water has cooled, measure it out and put it in the sterilized water bottle. Measure out the formula (soy formula, of course). Plug in feeding tube to Mercy so she can vent. Screw the lid on water bottle and shake like a mad woman. Grab the syringe with the feeding tube attached. Measure out all meds and put in feeding tube. Measure out formula and prime feeding tube. Attach it to Mercy's GTube, and feed her two to three mils at a time, for about 30 minutes to an hour. Afer, clean feeding tube and syringe.

I wish I could bathe my baby. Yup. Fill up her hammock bath tub. Get all the supplies in the bathroom: blanket on the floor. Towel on top of the blanket. Extremely hot water in the sink with the baby lotion in it (to warm it up, of course). Clean diaper... check. Bum cream... check. Eye bag... check. Heater... check. Good, she'll be warm enough. Get her cute new spring outfit out. She'll look adorable. Get the girly all nakey. Make sure to remove her socks. Hold her to me as I carry her the short distance to the tub. I was always worried I'd get peed on... she actually only did that to me one time... Anyway... In she goes. "Yeah, that's better, isn't it sweetie pie?" Turn on the warm water so it can run on her feet. A great spa experience, right in our own home. Lets start by washing your little body. Then we'll move to your hair! Oh! How I LOVE to wash your hair! So long! So curly! So pretty! We'll take our time because I know you LOVE your head to be massaged! Now lets gently wash your face and eyes. This is the part you don't particularly love. I don't like that you don't like it, but I'm grateful to give your eyes some relief. "Okay Sweetie! You've been in the tub for an hour now!" Now the part you REALLY hate. Pull the drain out and let's get you in the warm towel! I know, you HATE to be cold. I'll put on a clean diaper, wrap you up and we'll snuggle for a few minutes until you're warm again.

If I could have three wishes at this very moment, this is what I'd wish for.

Who Wouldn't Want A Piece of THIS Eye Candy??

Yup, he's available... YEEOOOWWW!

Moab

We just got back from a WAY fun family reunion to Moab, Utah. It was so awesome! I'm not your typical camper, but I enjoyed EVERY moment we were down there. It was so nice to get away.

Of course, our trip wouldn't be complete without a few emergencies...

While biking the Slick Rock Practice trail on Friday, my brother-in-law, Lucas (Nic's bro), crashed HARD. I honestly thought he was dead. I'm not joking. Miraculously, he had no breaks, no serious damage, just bruises and a sore body. Honestly though, he should have been broken up. He was cruising down the hill at full speed and went down a slope not realizing that RIGHT AFTER the slope was a three-to-four foot drop off. His front tire ended up exploding and his bike dragged him a good thirty feet. It was terrifying. You KNOW we love Lucas just by the simple fact that we sat in the TINY ER with rediculous medical staff for three-and-a-half hours. I'm grateful he's okay.

Nic had an accident of his own. He was going pretty fast and hit a deep sand pit. His bike did a quick-stop on him and down he went. I'm also grateful he is okay. I don't think I could handle something happening to him.

And yet another emergency... My uncle was stung by a wasp. He's very seriously allergic. Amazingly, his reaction wasn't as severe as it normally is. He kept his epi-pen close by but never had to use it. Yet, another miracle.

Sounds like an adventure, huh? Well, dispite the many scary moments, we had a BLAST! I could have stayed for a few more days! I'm surprising myself by saying that! Here are a few pics (in no particular order) of the fun we had... good times!












These five boys did the main Slick-Rock trail. WOOT! WOOT! For them!!!