Farewell Superman

My brother, Kody (whom we call Superman), has moved to Kentucky. He and I have grown closer together the last while. I already miss him. But, I'm happy he's out, having an adventure.

Adrienne and I took him out to breakfast on Wednesday morning before he left. We went to Mimi's Cafe (one of my favorite breakfast places). It was nice. We were procrastinating his departure. Kody's buddy, Garrick, came along. He's a really awesome kid. He leaves next month for his mission to Bulgaria.

My dad ended up driving out with Kody, last minute (very, VERY last minute. It was decided about 20 minutes before Superman left). I'm glad he went with him. I have been struggling with anxiety for about a year now. Having my dad go with Kody has put me at peace. My dad flies home tonight.


Well, Kody, we love you. Be safe and bring me back a killer Kentucky-Derby hat. I've always dreamed of one of those!

PS Superman never looked so good in a purple shirt. I LOVE it.

Oh, Fun!

The last few days have been really nice. I've really enjoyed the beautiful spring weather (just in time for a snow storm today, ha!).

Last weekend, Nic and I went to the Tulip Festival at Thanksgiving Point. It was so beautiful. I LOVE the Thanksgiving Point Gardens. The festival ends this Saturday, so if you get a chance (and if the tulips make it through this winter storm), I would totally recommend that you visit!


We only got two pictures while we were there (we were too busy talking about our future together, it was fabulous). And, ironically enough, neither picture is with tulips in them! We took these by "The Secret Garden". So pretty!

I was able to go to a "Heart Mom Luncheon" on Saturday. It was so great. It was at Gardner Village. We got little gift bags with T-shirts, pens, and little trinkets. It was really nice to be surrounded by so many women who understand. I sat with three other "Angel Mom's"... Emily, Teea, and Jessica. I loved talking with them. I also got to meet Chrissy, who has the CUTEST little girl. Oh my gosh. Every time I see a picture of her little girl, Kylie, I just want to KISS her cheeks! Sad thing is, I've never met Kylie in person. Maybe one day... :)

This is Chrissy, Jessica, Melynda, and Me. All of us are heart moms. It's a blessing to belong to a group of women who support each other so much. A special thanks to Carolyn Quigley, who organized the group and who has put her heart into events like this.

This is all the heart moms who could make it to the luncheon. Can you believe there are so many? It's heartbreaking, and also strengthening, all at the same time. I love all these women, even though I don't know them all personally. We are connected in so many ways.

And, yesterday, my dad and I went to the Salt Lake Temple (I LOVE the Salt Lake Temple. It's where Nic and I were married, almost six years ago). It's my castle. I love the history behind it. Our Mormon pioneers put their whole hearts and souls into building this temple. They built it to our God. This is where we worship. This is where families are made eternal. Click on the link above. The picture is stunningly beautiful, but even more beautiful is what happens inside. Families are forever!

This is me and my dad, just outside of the temple. I love my dad. He is a good man with a kind and giving heart. I honor and respect him. I love you Dad!

My dad and I took some pictures of a few flowers within the Salt Lake Temple grounds. The gardens here always look so beautiful.






The next two pictures have the Salt Lake Temple in the background. I think it's so beautiful...



And, today, my cute li'l bro (who really isn't little at all) is moving to Kentucky for the summer. I'm gonna miss him. He's my good friend. I love ya Kody! Please be safe... and maybe I can come visit you this summer.

PS The ironical thing is that I look like I'm wearing the SAME outfit every day! Haha! Let me assure you: I shower, I do my laundry, and I change my clothes. However, I live in my white cardigan. I love it. But, just for clarity-and to calm your deep, heart-felt concern-I am a CLEAN person.

Dear Landry

Dear Landry,

I'm grateful you were able to come see your family, meet them, and stay with them for awhile. I'm grateful you were blessed with the mommy and daddy you have now, for eternity. I'm grateful you have such a beautiful sister and two handsome brothers, who will always remember you. I'm grateful you were able to visit the earth, if only for a short time.

And now, you are back in heaven. I never got to meet you face to face. I'm so sad. I wish I could have. But, one day, we'll get to meet. Until then, watch over your family. They all have a long road to endure.

You see, Landry, it's not easy to loose a child, regardless of how long you were able to have them be a part of your earthly life. As one "angel mom" put it, a part of a mothers soul dies with her child... that part of her soul never breathes again. I think it's the same for daddy's souls. I'm also sure it's the same, but also different, for brothers and sisters too. It's hard. I can tell your mommy misses you, with all her heart. Landry, you have a beautiful, kind, STRONG mommy and daddy. You are so blessed. Their hearts are aching. They are shattered. They feel so much sorrow, it's indescribable.

It's not fair to have to be the "strong" ones, the ones who at many times, feel so alone in their trials. It's not fair to be a parent who endures the loss of a child, to continue on for the rest of our lives, smiling, laughing, and facing each day as best we can, while deep, deep down, we are broken. We are alone. We are different. It's a world few who are "inexperienced" even dare think about visiting, and that makes it hard too.

But, it's not fair that the rest of the world doesn't get the opportunity to be receive the greatest blessing God could possibly give: a beautiful, celestial child. There is nothing comparable. There is nothing as priceless. Because of our blessing in receiving priceless children like you, we find strength to endure the loneliness. Our celestial children make this loneliness bearable. Our celestial children make the loneliness WORTH IT. I know I'm probably not making sense. I know you know what I mean.

I know you have brought such a light and hope to your family. I also know they miss you with all their souls.

Watch over them, Landry. They need you as their angel. Words won't bring the peace they need right now. Only the companionship of their sweet little angel can offer them the peace they need. I know you are with them. I know you love them. We love them too.

We pray you will be able to spend some time with them, as their angel. We pray they will feel you close by.

Would you mind telling our little angel princess that we love and miss her? Please let her know we wouldn't trade her for anything. We are grateful for her, just as your family is grateful for you. Thank goodness our families are forever.

With all our hearts,
Nic & Ashley
and li'l angel Mercy

Happy April

Spring is here and it's freezing. Easter morning was loaded with SNOW. That's okay though because we stayed in. It was General Conference. I slept a lot... but what I was able to hear was wonderful.

Elder Holland gave an awesome talk on LOVE. TRUE love. NOT lust. It seems as though this world is run by lust. People have forgotten what LOVE really is. It's sad. But, no worries. Elder Holland set the record (and the world) straight. Listen to it. It's good.

Sister Beck gave a great talk on Good Women. I love Sister Beck. She stands for WOMANHOOD. She stands for MOTHERHOOD. She doesn't succumb to the pressures of the world to follow the (ridiculous, eh hem) feminist ideals. Whenever she speaks, she speaks to my soul. I feel at peace with my calling to be a WOMAN, a MOTHER, and a WIFE. She is inspiring.

School is busy. Nic is pushing along. Wow. He's one strong man. I'm doing not even half of what he's doing and I'm wasted. Running is going great for both of us. Nic has decided to train for a FULL marathon (yuck). He's pushing himself, big time. Good job Love! I'm just training for whatever. I've decided that I'm not ready for a half-marathon yet. I can do a 5K to start out and then work my way up. No sense in diving in head first... especially if I know I'm not going to make it. So, my realistic side is coming out. I'm going to keep running, but not for a half-marathon... yet.

And, by the way, I'm baby hungry. Anytime I see a little baby (especially a little girl), I just about FREAK out. I miss my girl and I know she has siblings. No, this is not an announcement. I'm just saying that I love babies. They are the purest, most beautiful creatures in this world. And, I'm grateful for my eternal calling, that of being a wife and mother. I hold nothing higher than that. That is my joy, that is my truth.

Confessions

Confession number one:
I have been sick for the last week-and-a-half and haven't done one bit of running. It's a good thing too. I think I would have had major SOB (okay, for all you UNmedical people, SOB means shortness-of-breath. I don't say bad words, FYI :) ), not to mention a bunch of crap in my throat I would have to hack up. Lovely, I know. But, I'm on the up and up. Hopefully I'll be able to run again starting tomorrow. I'm just afraid of the horrible cough-attacks that are just waiting for me. Ug.

Confession number two:
I absolutely love Nic. He's, like, pretty much amazing. I'm so grateful for him. Seriously, he is the hardest worker I know. He fulfills his calling as a husband and father wonderfully.

Confession number three:

I have a Grammie who is so darn cute! She has recently been overcome with major illness and it's been very hard for her. She has decided to not receive treatment for her illness, and I'm heartbroken... but also very happy for her. She will get to see my Grandpa. It's been 17 years since she's been with him. Can you imagine the reunion? What a wonderful moment that will be. I'm so excited for her. Plus, she'll get to see my sweet little girl. Grammie has promised to take care of Mercydez until I get there. My Grammie is so cute because she's told me that she and Mercydez WILL be best friends. Sounds like Mercydez isn't gonna have a choice! Ha! But, I already know that Grammie and Mercydez have a special connection. It's still hard for me though. My Grammie is one of my closest friends. She has coached me through so much. How I love her.

Confession number four:
I am soooooooo excited for General Conference this weekend! I am thrilled to hear the prophet speak. I'm so needing some guidance and direction. I love Conference!

Anyway, those are my four short confessions for now.

Noches!

PS This weeks running:
Monday (sorry, this is late. You can switch today for a rest day): 3 miles (easy)
Tuesday: 5 miles
Wednesday: cross training for 45 minutes
Thursday: 4 miles
Friday: Rest
Saturday: 11 miles
Sunday: Rest

Mercy's Angel Anniversary

Mercy's Angel Day was beautiful. We invited family/friends to meet us at the cemetery that evening. We asked everyone who came to bring along a stuffed animal. These stuffed animals will be donated to the American Fork Police Department in the near future. I'm so excited because the police department takes these stuffed animals to children they come in contact with at homes with abuse, neglect, domestic violence, etc. So, hopefully these little toys will bring light and love into another child's life, much like Mercydez brought light and life into our lives.

We had a simple reading of our last blog post. And then we wrote on balloons and did a balloon release. Fifteen balloons: each a celebration of one of the months (or half-months) our little princess was with us. We also had lots and lots of bubbles for the little kids to blow and play with.

It was simple. It was beautiful. It was perfect.















PS My appologies to my fellow runners. I'm sorry I haven't posted this weeks running schedule. I have actually slacked off this week... for many different valid reasons. Here is this weeks schedule... since it's almost over... :(
Monday: 3 miles (easy)
Tuesday: 4 miles
Wednesday: Rest day
Thursday: 4 miles
Friday: Cross-training for 45 minutes
Saturday: 9 miles
Sunday: Rest day
Monday: 3 miles (easy)
Tuesday: 4 miles
Wednesday: Cross-training for 45 minutes
Thursday: 3 miles
Friday: Rest Day
Saturday: 10 miles
Sunday: Rest Day

In Memory

We loved the name Mercedes. It's just so beautiful and it flows so nicely. It's also a name that has a royal sound to it; fitting for our little princess. But, we weren't quite sure... maybe Maggie or Molly?

But, Mercedes kept coming back.

September 11, 2007 was the "Boy or Girl?" ultrasound. It was at this ultrasound that we learned our little girl would endure great trials while on this earth. It was a day of happiness, but also a day where many, many unknowns were put before us. Major Heart Defects were detected, along with a few other things.
After speaking with many, many different types of doctors, the only conclusion that was come to was no conclusion at all. No one had a diagnosis; no one had a plan; no one had any idea what this beautiful little girl had in mind.
We decided that, if Mercedes was the name we would choose from our list of names, we would spell it with "Mercy" in it. Why? Because, even before her birth, we felt she was a miracle sent by God, to us. We felt we had already learned a great deal from her. And, we felt it would be a great mercy, for all of us, for her to arrive on earth and spend any amount of time with us.

Our sweet little girl, Mercydez, was born late morning on January 3, 2008, at The University Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah. She was immediately transferred to PCMC, to the NICU, where she stayed for four months. While in the hospital, Mercydez endured several surgeries and "procedures". It seemed that these experiences only hindered her. Sometimes, for some of these precious children, medical intervention isn't the right choice. It was a difficult lesson.

In April of 2008 we decided we would bring our precious little princess home, where she could be loved without the beeping, the poking, the prodding, and the hurt. We decided, through prayer, that future interventions on her behalf would no longer be an option.

May 1st came and our little Mercydez was discharged from PCMC. It was such an exciting and scary day! We couldn't be happier to have our little Mercy with us, but we were also afraid of what would lie ahead.
Bringing our little girl home was the best decision we ever made! She proved the medical team wrong by living ten-and-a-half months longer than they gave her credit! She was able to enjoy meeting her cousins, being held and loved by all of them; she was able to attend family reunions, family pictures, singing and doing actions with her daddy; she was able to experience the 4th of July Parade in Provo; she was able to go on picnics, pet doggies, take warm, spa-like baths; have her fingernails painted; she wore sunglasses; she was able to go to county fairs; she was able to meet Santa and sit on his lap; she was able to help us start the tradition of sleeping under the Christmas Tree on Christmas Eve; she had a huge six-month birthday party at Jumpin' Jacks... pizza, cake, ice cream, and presents all included! She was able to celebrate the new year with us; She had her first birthday with us; We had her for Thanksgiving and we were able to dress her up in a beautiful dress; we watched "Signing Time" together; read childrens books; enjoyed simple therapy games and toys together.

Bringing her home also brought illness and several scary times with it. It wasn't all "fun and games", but we believe with all our hearts that each experience was a tender mercy from a very loving Father in Heaven. Mercydez endured a great deal on this earth. While complex congenital heart defects are what ultimately took her back to heaven, Mercydez was also a beautiful little girl with CHARGE Syndrome. She taught us that being different is beautiful and absolutely priceless.

Our beautiful daughter, Mercydez, returned home to Heaven on March 15th, 2009. While our experiences have been difficult, more than that, they have been a gift of happiness, of joy. We would never, ever trade our experiences with Mercy for anything. She is our greatest blessing and joy.

Children, no matter how long we have them on this earth, no matter what we do or don't experience with them, no matter their challenges, are the greatest blessing. We learned this through our tender Mercy.