Angel Isaac, our special heart friend

Truth be known, although things have been crazy today with American Idol and what-not, my mind has most definitely been on other, more important, thoughts. I found out yesterday that a heart friend earned his wings on Sunday evening. This little Isaac is two days older than Mercydez. I have sat and talked with his sweet, beautiful mother, Jessica, on more than one occasion. My heart is broken. I can't even begin to express what I'm feeling. I had the amazing opportunity of meeting Isaac. He is such a sweetheart.

I am in so much shock. I don't know what to think. All I can think about is, "How are Jessica, Paul, and their girls doing? What are they thinking?" It's sobering. So sobering. When I read about Isaac's passing, all I wanted to do was take Mercydez in my arms and hold her close. I have so much on my mind. My thoughts are racing and at the same time I feel like I can't think.

From my understanding, Isaac and his family were put in the same scenario as we were... take your baby home and enjoy them while you can. From my understanding, Isaac was supposed to go home yesterday. Obviously, he didn't make it. This prognosis is not a bite easily swallowed. In fact I still haven't swallowed it. It terrifies me to think of the day when Mercydez will earn her wings... be that early in life, or late in life. To have heart friends earn their wings is a hard wake-up call. This world is not perfect. Doctors are great blessings, but they are not God. The timing of death is not a call we humans get to make, no matter our education or experience. Sometimes, death at a young age is inevitable. It's hard to have these realities face you head-on. My heart is with Isaac's family. I can't stop thinking of them. I have had a constant prayer in my heart for them. I am so sorrowful that they have to face THIS reality. I don't understand what they are experiencing, but from what little experience I have with this situation, I know it is only because of a loving Heavenly Father that they are able to continue breathing.

I remember, the weekend before Mercydez was to be extubated, Jessica came and sat with me and a few of my family members for a couple of hours. She brought cheerfulness and love with her. When I was telling her of Mercydez's prognosis... the "take her home and enjoy her while you can" prognosis, she cried for us. She told me that she didn't know how we did it. She was so sincere in her heartfelt sorrow for us. I am so amazed by her. At that time Isaac was doing pretty good. He was on the path for a major heart surgery that, often times, helps and corrects the heart issues he had. At that time, it didn't seem as though Isaac would leave this world at such an early age. Now, it is as if mine and Jessica's roles have been switched. Here I am, with little Mercydez who, as far as we know, is stable. And Jessica and her family are experiencing the ultimate heartache. I know in my "down" moments, I just wish others would leave me alone and at the same time, be with me. I would wish that others would hold their children close, love them and understand the blessing they have in having a child who is healthy and is expected to live a long, active life and at the same time, I wouldn't change a thing about my little princess. These down moments are difficult. For me, the worst thing a person could say is, "I understand what you're feeling" or "I understand what you're going through." While thinking of the heartache these good people are experiencing, I feel some guilt in the fact that I am blessed enough to still have Mercydez with us. I am so grateful! I am so grateful! I hope to never take advantage of any second, any minute, any day I have with my beautiful daughter.

I don't know how Jessica and her family are enduring this. She has always had an amazing strength about her, but still... these types of heartache... can burden even the strongest of people. My heart goes out to her and her family. I am so sorry.